m casually dating a guy in San Francisco, and he could be gay, straight, married, or just a metrosexual commitment-phobe. When I list his idiosyncrasies, I get the same two reactions from everyone: he’s married, or he’s gay.And after six months, I don’t feel any closer to an answer. A bachelor pushing 40 in San Francisco isn’t uncommon, but it can still raise a few eyebrows.If, of course, their reluctance to commit stems from psychological issues, then the best way for them to heal is with a degree of therapy.However, that is a tricky, time consuming process, and requires them to actively want to change their behavior; this would be a wonderful and positive step – however, it cannot be guaranteed.approach; make yourself slightly less available to them.This may be one of the most common of relationship woes. I remember a time when I was totally head over heels for someone.I imagined, whether rightly or wrongly, that I connected to them, and they connected to me on a level that seemed beyond communication – almost instinctive.But with his typical Northern Californian beard and minimal gray hairs, his true age even threw a comedian doing crowd work with us on our fifth date.While he could pass for 28, his maturity is evident to me. He doesn’t pull away when I want to discuss our relationship.
When I ask if a girl is an ex or a friend, he will respond with a chuckle, “She knows where I live, so she’s a friend” In the middle of a Lyft back to my place, he panically checked his phone. Even with all his secretes, this relationship is the most honest and vulnerable I have ever had.But over time, when I imagined that connection to grow, the connection to become stronger…nothing happened.The relationship, whatever it was, seemed to stall.I felt safe and calm in a way I had only ever felt in my mom’s arms.I looked up at him and said, “Something about you feels like family.”But he won’t let me know where he lives, and he won’t sleep over.But when something is wrong, love can cause significant grief and stress.